


Amazing

by linzclair219



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Body Worship, FTM Barba, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Sonny's such a giver, Trans!Barba, low-key PWP
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-22
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-12-18 13:28:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11875476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/linzclair219/pseuds/linzclair219
Summary: Sorry to all of you who had your hearts set on a new chapter of "Search" today. I promise, next update day there will be one.Hope you enjoy this. The repeated use of the word 'amazing' was a total accident but I'm not mad about it.Hope you all enjoy!Also thank you to Tiberias (summermint on Tumblr) who's been listening to me ramble about fandom thinks lately.





	Amazing

Rafael comes to work with a secret. Every day. A secret he’d rather his enemies, and his more formidable allies, not know.

A secret under his suit, a suit of armor more or less.

Underneath his well tailored clothes and expertly crafted demeanor, there’s a piece of Rafael that yearns to be touched and caressed, used and perused, pleasured and overworked until he can no longer think straight. A vestige of his gender assigned at birth, and one he has no intention of being rid of.

This secret lies with one other person, and that’s the person he knows is waiting for him when he arrives home. Someone who will take on the challenge of loving a man like Rafael, despite his biting sarcasm and his affinity for teasing. Someone who can read past his mixed signals (which he will admit to if cornered on it), but will also listen to what he needs or what he wants. Above all, someone who knows Rafael well, inside and out, that he can trust with his body. The only person in Rafael’s life that he’s allowed himself to ever be given over to, because he knows there’s nothing but the desire to please underneath every one of his actions.

The jacket of his suit is off when he comes through the door. It gets hung up on the coat rack before Rafael catches sight of his boyfriend.

Sonny’s shirt is unbuttoned, revealing his undershirt. His hair, loose and unpasted, is falling wherever it pleases. His smile is sweet, genuine, bright when his boyfriend walks through the door. He gets up and comes over to him, pulling Rafael into a hug.

“You did amazing in court today, you know that?”

“It’s good to hear. That case was hell.” Rafael lets himself unwind, his head resting on Sonny’s shoulder.

“I know it was. You worked so hard on it though. Did you eat yet?”

Rafael chuckles. “Of course you’d ask that.”

“I just want to know that you’re eating.”

“Well, I did. I had something to eat before I came home.”

“So there’s nothing holding you back from just letting go and relaxing all night? Is that what I’m hearing?”

This time Rafael’s eyes roll. “Of course that’s what you’d hear.”

His slim fingers loosen his boyfriend’s tie. “What? It’s so bad to hear that I want to spend a little time pleasuring you?”

“Is that what you’ll be doing?”

Sonny feigns offense, while his fingers work to undo the top buttons on his dress shirt. “Oh Rafe, I can’t believe you’d say something like that. As if I was ever anything besides an amazing lover.”

“Amazing?” Rafael taunts, ignoring the way his buttons are plucked open. “You’re going to have to prove that.”

“You’re challenging me.” Sonny points out.

“You’re smart enough to figure that out.”

Sonny’s lips ghost over his neck. “Time to prove myself, isn’t it? Oh Rafe, I thought we’d gotten past this point by now.”

“Clearly we haven’t.”

Sonny’s lips take over the conversation, pressing kisses to Rafael’s face and neck while they work towards the bedroom. They keep working as their clothes come off, moving over the skin that’s newly exposed.

His chest.

His stomach.

His thighs.

His sex.

Sonny’s tongue bathes the button of his clit in wet heat, making his walls start to quake. Of course, Rafael doesn’t let him know that. He’s silent, in fact.

A challenge.

Forcing Sonny to step up his game, sucking on and humming around that little bump in his skin, all in the hopes of eliciting a moan. Which he gets.

But Sonny can’t just have one. He needs that sound again. He keeps the sounds flowing when his mouth is pressed to Rafael’s neck again, while his prick takes over the pleasuring. He keeps his rhythm slow, even, consistent, knowing damn well how to not overstimulate his lover. It’s the perfect trick, making sure that their first orgasm comes in sync. Carisi spills his seed into Rafael’s opening just as his walls clench down. And the moans that come with them

 _Oh god_ Sonny thinks at the sounds pouring out of his lover’s throat. He wants to hear them again.

He wants more.

God, he wants _more._

He pulls their bodies apart and presses kisses on his way down to Rafael’s folds again, lapping at his cum where it’s spilled out of him.

 _Sweet_ Sonny thinks while his tongue takes in as much of their mingled fluids as he can. Some of it decorates his mouth and chin, making his face slick with shine when he looks up at his boyfriend. Those lips form into a smile.

“How’s this working for you, baby? You like this?”

“Yes.” Rafael moans, his legs splaying further open. “Hurry up.”

“Did I get you all worked up again?” Sonny asks, and Rafael’s hand winds into his hair, tugging on it. Sonny winks up at him before letting his mouth do the work. Continuing to lick and suck and explore the way his lover’s body bends under pleasured shudders.

There’s plenty of cursing, but it’s less threatening when it comes out as whines. Sonny hears it in the way his lover’s tone spikes that he’s nearing another release. Sonny gazes up at him through his lashes, waiting for the moment when Rafael meets his eye. It’s then that the all too familiar collapsing of his lover’s sex forms once again. Sonny’s relentless, sucking on the button of skin while gradually releasing the vacuum his lips have formed, playing with the ever so delicate line of pleasure and overstimulation.

Leaving the potential for more.

Because Sonny wants more. Of course he wants more. It’s clear in the way he doesn’t move once his lover’s come down from his high. His hands continue to cradle the pale skin of Rafael’s hips, while his gaze is unabashedly fixed on his lover’s opening.

“What’s so interesting down there?” Rafael asks, gently petting his hair in the same places it was pulled before. Sonny’s shoulders shrug under Rafael’s legs, his gaze unwavering.

“You’re all red. All swollen.”

“Who’s fault is that?”

“Looks really…sensitive…” His voice is entranced, only half aware of whatever’s being said. “Is it sensitive?”

The words give Rafael a little shiver, since the warmth of Sonny’s breathed words hit the bare skin.

“Looks really…” his lips press against Rafael’s labia. Soft. Gentle. A tease.

“You can’t focus down there.”

Another shrug make’s Rafael’s legs move, and he kisses again. And again.

“I bet that feels good.”

“It does. But you missed a spot.”

“Mhm.” One of Sonny’s hands moves to rest against the inside of Rafael’s thighs, pushing him further open, exposing more of his pink center. Once again, his tongue dips in. Small, happy noises add a little buzz against the delicate skin while he cleans any and every crevice and fold he can find. He licks and sucks, avoiding the most sensitive part of him until Rafael’s hips press up with want. There’s nothing on his mind besides the skin he slides his tongue over, again and again. No rush.

No need for immediate orgasm.

Just the pleasure and joy of devouring his overworked lover until he’s letting out strings of mewls. A complete and utter one track mind. Nothing’s stopping him from the task at hand, including his burgeoning erection. His moans turn up in volume, and so do his lover’s, when he uses his fingers to pin him open and get at what’s just hidden away from normal view.

This time he does what he avoided before, and slips one of those fingers into his center, feeling the wet heat that closed around his shaft some time ago. But now Sonny can curl his fingers and find the bit of flesh that makes Rafael’s back arch and his head press into the pillow. He can’t stifle the moans that fight their way out of his throat. Between the mouth closed around his clit and the finger, later fingers, that press against his g-spot, Rafael has no choice in the way his body reacts. He clenches so hard, rocking his hips, looking for even more stimulation.

Again, Sonny holds back. Not to deny his lover pleasure, but as a form of insurance, making definite the possibility for another orgasm after this one’s conclusion. He teases and touches until he feels Rafael’s walls stop pulsing around him.

Another shudder runs through Rafael when the two digits leave him, and Sonny’s breath hits the still tender skin. A light kiss is pressed against it, and Rafael’s legs close, just a little.

“Don’t. Please.”

“Too much?” Sonny’s hand caresses the outside of his thigh, while his cheek presses against the inside of it.

“No. I’m just tired. I’m a sweating mess now.”

“What’s wrong with that? Just means I’m doing a good job.”

“I need a shower.”

“Why?” Sonny asks, letting his head resting on Rafael’s stomach. “You’re not going anywhere tomorrow.”

“But you are.”

“I can shower tomorrow. Maybe.”

“I need to get my day off of me. Which means I have to kick you out of your favorite spot.”

“Aw, really?” Sonny gazes up at him, eyes wide. “Why? I could spend all night down here.”

His hips rut against the bed at the thought, just a little. But it’s enough that Rafael notices.

“You’d love that, I know. But come on, move.”

Sonny pouts up at him, and his grip tightens on him.

“Sonny, come on. Let me up. You know I can overpower you if I want.”

He rolls his eyes and presses a kiss against his inner thigh before rolling onto his back, letting Rafael see how hard the other man is. “You’re a buzzkill.”

“You’re…” Rafael shakes his head and gets up. The way he gets up, slow and careful, tells Sonny that he’s already feeling the effects of their evening.

Rafael doesn’t say anything when he’s followed into the shower. Sonny takes a seat on the recessed shower bench, big enough for two, and watches his lover soap up. He touches himself in long, lazy strokes, occasionally squeezing his balls too.

A moan escapes Sonny when Rafael bends over to pick up a dropped bottle. Rafael turns around, and he feels himself coloring when he sees the other man hard and wanting.

“God…look at you…”

“Yeah?” Sonny asks, smirking. “You like knowing this is your fault?”

“Stop it.” Rafael turns his back again, only to flinch when something pinches his ass, making his center clench and a pain zing through him. “Hey!”

Sonny’s lower lip pushes out into a pout, but his eyes are clearly not sorry.

“What? Just a little touch.” He says, while he continues stroking himself. “I can’t help myself.”

“Yes you can, you just don’t want to.”

Sonny doesn’t respond, but his eyes stay glued on Rafael as he washes up. His mind is at work, drawing up an image that makes himself harder. Something about the way Rafael holds the removable shower head does things to his mind

“You feeling sore?” Sonny asks out of the blue when he’s nearly clean.

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me. Are you feeling sore?”

Rafael glares and looks away, glad that his face is already red enough to conceal his blush.

“You are. I know you are, baby. You’re pretty obvious.”

“Fuck you.”

“I mean, we _could_ do that, you still have the strap-on, right?”

“Why’re you being so horny tonight?” Rafael’s arms cross over his chest, concealing his faded scars.

“Or we could do something else-“ he moans, giving himself an extra squeeze. “Make you extra sore. Give you something to remember when you’re alone tomorrow.”

“Seriously, you’re being such a horn dog tonight.”

“And you love it. C’mere. And bring the shower thing too.”

Rafael puts a hand on his hip, and another sting stirs in his sex.

“You’re joking.”

“I take pleasuring you very seriously. C’mere.” Sonny pats his lap.

“I don’t feel like sitting on your dick.”

Sonny chuckles. “That’s fine. I’m not asking you to. Just…trust me?”

Rafael chews his lip before conceding, taking a seat on his boyfriend’s lap and handing over the shower head. Already he’s thrumming with want, and it gets worse when Sonny’s feet twist around his ankles and spread his legs open, leaving him completely exposed.

“Relax, baby.” Sonny kisses Rafael’s neck, while the younger man’s free hand reaches down to touch his clit. It stings in the best way possible. His hand is warm, knowing, starting gentle.

The addition of the water elicits a clear, unabashed moan that reaches over the sound of the shower. And the change from the standard setting to the massage one makes him even louder. His head falls back, his sex throbs and pulses, and he can feel the moment when his lover’s member, compressed between their bodies, spills out over his back. The heat of the shower, the heat of the water, the head of his lover’s breath against his neck forces Rafael over the edge while the flow of the water continues stimulating him, and the hand rubbing his clit speeds up.

There’s no holding back the string of pleasure-pained moans that come out of his throat. Music to Sonny’s ears.

Sonny, who keeps kissing at his neck and jaw until he’s come down his high. The water disappears, and so does the hand rubbing him, leaving him nearly satisfied.

“Want me to carry you back to bed?” Sonny asks in his ear.

“No, I think I can handle _walking.”_ He’s indignant, but his legs wobble when he stands. He holds for a moment, letting Sonny wash off the stain on his back. The water’s warmth makes his body want for more, but he just knows he can’t.

He takes his time going back to bed. Clad in a dark satin robe, he lowers himself onto the bed before laying out on his back, since sitting isn’t possible.

Sonny’s not so picky. He towels off, and leaves the towel in the bathroom before joining Rafael on top of the bed.

“You’re an exhibitionist, aren’t you?” Rafael asks. Sonny turns to look at him, then shrugs.

“Is that the thing where you like fucking in public?”

“Don’t play dumb. You know that’s what it is.”

“I guess I am. I wouldn’t mind fucking you in front of an audience.”

“Don’t say that.”

“What? It’s true. Show the whole world what they’re missing.”

“Sonny.”

“Right, right you’re sore. I know, you can’t handle getting turned on again just yet.”

“Nobody said that”

“You didn’t have to. I know when you need a break.”

Sonny leans over and presses a kiss to his mouth, the first one in a while, before letting them relax.

They talk. Not about work. They talk long enough that, when Rafael opens his robe, still laid in bed, all the water on his skin has either been absorbed by the garment or evaporated.

Rafael catches Sonny's eyes resting on his body, openly and unabashedly admiring his completely exposed self. Rafael feigns a glare. 

"Didn't your mother ever tell you? Staring is rude."

"Not staring. Thinking." He answers, his gaze unmoving.

"About fucking me, probably." 

He shrugs. "Not exactly."

"Ooh, a riddle." Rafael says, voice heavy with sarcasm. 

“Just wondering if you’re still wet from before.”

“I’m not.”

“Don’t get defensive. You’ve told me you’re always wet anyway, it’s not like I don’t know.”

“You don’t know my body as well as you think.”

“Yeah? Because I bet you’re still real wet from before. In fact I’m sure of it.”

Rafael’s legs fall open. “Fine, see for yourself.”

So he does. Sonny’s hand finds its way down to his sex and slips just between his folds, but he doesn’t need to. A satisfied smirk crosses his face.

“Oh yeah, I was right. You’re still ready for me.”

“Who said I was ready for you?”

“I’m sorry, you waiting for one of your other boyfriends to come over later and finish the job?” A pinky finger slides into him, and Rafael clenches around it without meaning to. His body stings.

“Alright, fine, you win. Are you going to quit pawing at me now?”

As soon as the words are out, Rafael regrets them. They were supposed to be another joke, but his tone is too sharp, cutting the mood and turning every other small quip serious. The hurt comes across his face, with the way his smile slips and he averts his gaze. His hand disappears, and he rolls onto his back.

“Sorry.”

“Hey, come on, I didn’t mean it.” Rafael scoots closer, taking his hand. “It’s fine, go back to what you were doing.”

“No, no it’s okay. I’m not trying to bother you.” His face colors, and he still won’t look at Rafael. Shame washes over the older man.

“You’re not bothering me. I like when you feel me up.”

He tries replacing the hand where it was, but Sonny pulls it away and folds it ovrt his stomach instead, his head facing the other way.

“Come on querido, don’t ignore me.” He tries, reaching out for that hand again, only to have it moved further away. Even with the mood shot, his body stings with want.

“Sonny, please?” Kisses are planted on the milky skin of his neck. “I was kidding. I’m fine, really.”

“I don’t want you to be fine, I want you to be amazing.” His voice is low, thick, hard to hear. Another bit of shame hits Rafael as he thinks about the whole night again, though most of it is shrouded in a pleasured haze.

_He’s trying so hard. He’s being so good to you._

“Hey, what’s it going to take to get my sexy Italian stallion back in the mood?” Rafael tries, sliding a hand over his chest. No answer.

“What, you want me to prove it to you?”

“Don’t do that.”

“Why not? You got me all worked up again.”

Sonny lets out a quiet scoff, and Rafael catches when he brings a hand to his eye, though it’s hidden from his direct view.

Rafael doesn’t talk, but he hisses at the pain that radiates as he moves. He presses kisses against his boyfriend’s chest, the muscle ridged under his lips. He slides a hand over Sonny’s nipple, grazing the hardening piece of skin, hoping for some kind of reaction.

Slowly, Rafael rests so he’s straddling Sonny’s leg, letting him feel the full extent of his arousal.

“What’re you doing?” Sonny asks, voice easier now.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Just enjoying my boyfriend.” Another kiss is pressed to his jaw. He has to go slow, gently rocking his hips against his boyfriend’s thigh, working up the friction. Past the point of pain, working into loving ecstasy. His head falls back, his mouth opens, and he lets his body struggle against going completely overstimulated.

Rafael sucks in a breath on a particularly hard press, sending pain up into his body, laying out the framework for his next orgasm.

But it’s too far off. He knows just by the way his chest is heaving that it’s not going to be enough.

“Please” he breathes, his breath hitching when his legs give, his entire weight resting on his crotch. “Oh fuck- please. Please, Sonny, please.”

A hand slips between Sonny’s leg and his lover’s mound, cupping him.

“Wow, you really want it.”

“I do, baby. I do. Please, _please_ help me here.”

“What do you want?”

“H-help me… move my hips. Please. I want” his hips press down into his lover’s, and he yelps “oh fuck, help me. I-I need more.”

“More? You’re sure?”

“Yes! I’m sorry, just please, please help me here.”

Sonny’s hand leaves Rafael’s groin and presses against his hip instead, guiding him. And Rafael needs it, because his legs are weak. And Sonny’s careful, resting his boyfriend against his hips, letting him grind against his erection. It’s Rafael that has to slip the hardened length into himself. 

So much effort. The amount of sweat pouring out of his skin negates any good the shower might’ve done. His body is screaming for him to stop, the pain in his hips and his sheath telling him to halt, but the pleasure won’t let him. Not until Sonny’s buried in him to the hilt, and his head brushes against the well loved spot hidden away in his body that stops him cold. All he can do is hold still and let the feeling wash over him. The way Sonny releases into him makes it even more intense, leaving him trembling.

Sonny’s arms wrap around him, gently bringing their bodies together and laying him down.

“Love you” Rafael barely manages as kisses lull him off to sleep.

He’s awakened by a familiar hardness pressing against his opening, gently asking for permission. Rafael moans, trying to roll away only to have his hips pulled closer.

“Baby, I gotta go to work.”

“God…” is all he can manage at the deep, radiating soreness that extends up into his body. But he can’t resist. In his half asleep state, with his body still turned on, Rafael has no way to argue.

He lets go. Let’s Sonny roll him onto his stomach and pull up his hips, leaving his face buried in the pillow. There’s definitely a deepening in the pain that’s pulsing through him, but hell it’s not one he minds. It’s one that wakes him enough to enjoy the feeling. In his mind’s eye, Rafael can see how his boyfriend must look fucking him.

And he can’t hold back when his body shudders with an orgasm, ushering his lover into the same release.

He’s left cold a moment when Sonny pulls away while his body pulses. A shocked gasp leaves his mouth when, once again, Sonny’s lips are pressed against the ones between his hips, licking and sucking him clean. The orgasm that’s just ending comes crashing back with a vengeance, reaching from his head to his feet.

Lips form a vacuum around his clit. A finger presses into his g-spot. The deep, relaxing pleasure comes in waves.

Relaxing him so deeply, releasing every single bit of tension he’s been holding for who knows how long. From his head to his toes, every last bit of tension is pushed out of him.

The warmth of Sonny’s mouth doesn’t leave him until he’s completely finished, and he’s almost asleep again.

“Best breakfast a person can ask for.” Sonny murmurs in his ear, before those lips press a kiss to his neck.

The night comes back in pieces, forming around the throbbing, satisfied ache in Rafael’s hips. Slowly, reminding him how and where and who.

He doesn’t want to move. He wants to stay in bed all day.

He most definitely doesn’t want to go to the bathroom, but he has to. He has to take slow, deliberate steps to keep the thrumming pain at bay. He has to be so light with his touch when wiping himself clean.

And, when he returns to bed, his eye catches on something. Not the black thing, but the yellow thing attached to it.

-Babe, this morning was so much fun. Sorry I got sensitive last night, I just want you to feel good. Love you very much. Use this if you like, and maybe give me a call afterwards.-

Blood rushes to Rafael’s face at the sight of his vibrator, black silicone, perfectly curved to reach his pleasure spot, underneath the sticky note. He can’t. He knows he can’t.

But he does anyway. Once the idea is there, it can’t be taken back. He closes his eyes and buries the toy into himself all the way, despite the throbbing in his center. He remembers those eyes. Bright blue, meeting his own while he ground down onto his face.

He remembers that tongue licking and sucking him completely clean, eating his own cum out of the other man.

He remembers the feel of hands cradling his hips.

He remembers the morning.

And he cums, hard, but not as hard as he did that morning. No, that he’s sure he can’t match on his own.

Still, he lays there for a long time, and falls back asleep. Only later does he make good on the request in the note.

“Wow, look at you, up before noon.” Sonny answers the phone. A tired smile stretches over his face.

“Good morning to you too.”

“Really? That’s all I get?”

“What’re you expecting? A blowjob through the phone?” Rafael rolls onto his boyfriend’s half of the bed, cuddling up to his pillow.

“You’re in a mood.” Sonny teases. “Six orgasms in a day still isn’t enough for you? Well, I guess it’s five in one day and one in the other.”

“Two.”

Sonny whistles. “Wow, two, look at you taking suggestions. Good for you. I bet you were nice and sore too.”

“A little bit.”

“That’s good. You don’t want a really sore pussy, just enough to remember who you were with.”

“Sonny.”

“What? I’m just saying. Getting it so hard that you can’t walk the next day is nice sometimes, but I don’t think I did that. Have you tried walking yet?”

“Yes. It’s manageable.”

“That’s good. I guess. I don’t know, I think your legs work nicest wrapped around my head. But that’s just me.”

The words conjure up wide blue eyes and shuddering pleasure. His walls clench, and he winces in pain.

“Why’d you do that? You didn’t think I’d had enough after this morning?”

“Did you?”

“No, answer my question first.”

Rafael can hear the smirk in his voice. “Because who doesn’t love waking up with an orgasm? Best way to start the day.”

“If you say so.”

“I just want to know, when you clenched down around your favorite vibe, were you thinking of me?”

Rafael scoffs, while he feels his face burn.

“No, I know you didn’t, you were too busy enjoying yourself without having to worry about my mess.”

“I don’t mind your mess. Besides, you always clean it up.”

“Of course. That’s the best part. Hey, by the way, what the hell did you eat yesterday? You were so sweet. Like candy or something.”

“And yet you were eating me like a thanksgiving dinner. I had a fruit salad for lunch and for dinner, if you must know. Is that what had you camped down there?”

“Please. You know that’s my favorite place to be anyway. I mean seriously, it’s so nice down there.”

“Just because I have a pussy though, right?”

“Aw baby, don’t talk like that. I would suck your dick the same way. Hell, I’d suck your toes if it meant I’d get to hear you like that.”

“Ew.” Rafael cringes.

“You know what I mean. It’s all about hearing the way you get all worked up. That’s the real turn on.”

“Is it now?”

“Come on, like you don’t know I love giving you head. That bit in the shower though, _that_ was priceless.”

“Stop.” Rafael hides his face in his free hand. “God, where are you that you’re talking like this?”

“Oh I’m not telling you that. That’s the fun of it. Not knowing where I am. For all you know I’m sat at my desk talking like this.”

“Stooooooooop.” Rafael whines.

“Oh come on, like you wouldn’t love it if everyone knew what we did.”

“You’re talking like such a guy.”

“Cuz I’m proud. You’re the hottest guy I’ve ever slept with. I mean, yeah, you’re smart and interesting and whatever, but in bed-“

“Seriously, tell me where you are.”

“Relax, I’m in a broom closet trying not to get hard.”

“Such a guy.”

“I went to work with the taste of you still on my tongue, how could I not?”

“God, that’s so-“

“Hot? I know. Real hot.”

“I was going to say gross.”

“Yeah, sure you were. Well, I gotta go, I’ll let you get back to your other boyfriends. I’d apologize for working you over so much last night but, you know, I’m really fucking not.”

“No, you’re not.” He laughs. “Love you.”

“Love you too.” Sonny makes a kissing noise into the phone before hanging up.

****

The next day off Rafael gets can’t come at a better time. He wakes up sick to his stomach, he’s light headed, and he can’t stop feeling nauseous.

When he thinks of a reason why, it only gets worse.

****

The same amount of time can feel so different. The first time it’s a blink of an eye. The second time is a blur. The third time is an eternity.

****

The apartment is wrong when Sonny comes home. It’s completely, utterly silent. He keeps his footsteps light as he walks into the living room. He finds his boyfriend, wearing his Fordham sweatshirt and hugging a pillow to his chest.

“Rafe?” He can’t hide the worry. Rafael’s eyes flick up, and it’s obvious there’s something hidden there.

“Hi.”

“You look pale. What’s the matter?” Sonny asks, staring down at him. He watches his boyfriend take a moment, wiping away a single tear that comes rolling down his face when he’s silent.

“Hon, did someone hurt you?” Sonny takes the seat beside him and rests a hand on his cheek. Rafael’s eyes stay down.

“No…uh, no. But I need…you need to know something.”

_He’s leaving._

_He doesn’t love you anymore._

_He found someone else._

_He found someone better._

“You’re…uh, you’re going to be a dad.”

There’s a moment of shock, followed by a moment of pure joy crossing his face. Only for a moment, before his expression crumbles and folds, when he realizes what that really means.

“Wait…but…?”

“Yeah.” He sniffs. “I checked. Three times.”

“Wait, how though? I mean…”

“It’s possible. I thought…I don’t know.” He swallows and hugs the pillow tighter.

“Can you even do this, babe? Is it even possible? I mean, are” he swallows “are you sure you even want to keep them?”

Rafael can see it takes everything Sonny has to say the words out loud. Guilt floods through Rafael at those words, even more than when the thought first occurred to him.

“I…I…” Rafael’s eyes water, and Sonny pulls him tight.

“Hey, come on baby, we don’t even know if this is it. I mean, your hormones are all over the place, this could just be a fluke.”

Rafael stares at the wall, letting his tears come. He knows it’s not a fluke. He knows how this happened.

He did the math, so many times in the three of those five minute waits.  

****

“Your ovaries look healthy, your uterus is in tact…truly, it’s quite amazing, given someone of your age and status. I see no medical reason to terminate the pregnancy.”

“Okay…okay…” Rafael says, because that’s all he can say.

The doctor leaves. Sonny returns, and puts his arms around his lover.

“I’m so sorry…”

“I know.” Rafael says gently. “I know babe, I know.”

“I should’ve known, I should’ve used protection, god, I bet I even _knew_ and that’s why-“

“Please. Stop.” Rafael murmurs.

Sonny clutches him tighter.

****

In the fading light of the sun, Rafael can’t help gazing at his boyfriend’s profile. He wonders what’s going on under that hair, in that brain. Wonders how he imagined the sonogram.

_Don’t make him wonder._

Rafael gets up out of the recliner and sits down next to him cuddling into Sonny’s side.

“Did you want to see?”

“No.” His voice cuts hard. Rafael flinches, and Sonny pulls him closer.

“Sorry…I just…I don’t want to get my hopes up in case you change your mind.”

“I’m not.” Rafael says after a long minute.

“You’re sure? You’re really truly sure?”

“I’m sure.” Rafael pulls the black and white picture out of his pocket and holds it out, face down.

Sonny’s fingers close around the picture, and he takes his time flipping it over.

A smile pulls over his face. His eyes glisten. He brings the picture close, holding it to his chest.

 _This is the beginning of something…amazing_ Rafael decides. 

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry to all of you who had your hearts set on a new chapter of "Search" today. I promise, next update day there will be one.  
> Hope you enjoy this. The repeated use of the word 'amazing' was a total accident but I'm not mad about it.  
> Hope you all enjoy!  
> Also thank you to Tiberias (summermint on Tumblr) who's been listening to me ramble about fandom thinks lately.


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